“So?You’renotsupposedtobe—”Herubbedathishin,drawingDrao’sattentiontoit.HeimmediatelywonderedifPotter’sbeardfeltassoftasitlooked.Merlin,howhelongedtotouhit.

“It’snotanat,ifthat’swhatyou’re—”

“Whateveritis,youneedtostop.Now!”

“Why?”

Pottergloweredathim.“You’reengaged,”hesaid,asifthatexpinedeverything.

“Whydoyouevenare?”Draosaidthroughgrittedteeth,hishearthammeringinhishest.

“Fukyou,Drao!Youknowwhy.”

No,Draodidn’t.Beauseitouldn’tbe.

Theystaredateahotherforalongmoment,untilPotter’sexpressionturnedfromlividtosomethingmoreomplex.

“Howlonghaveyoubeenengaged?”

“That’s—”—noneofyourbusiness,hewantedtosay.Hedidn’twanttotalkaboutthis.LeastofallwithPotter.Buthewastiredoffighting.Heouldn’ttellPotterthewholetruth,butmaybehe’dstoppesteringhimifheatleasttoldhimsomething.“Wegotengagedstsummer,”hefinallysaid.

“Whoisshe?”

“HernameisAstoria,”Draosaid,unwillingtogivemoreinformation.ThelookonPotter’sfaemadehisstomahtwistunomfortably.

“Doyouloveher?”heasked,hisvoiebarelyawhisper.

Draoavertedhiseyes,staringatPotter’spolishedshoesinstead.Hehadreallymadeanefforttoday.HadittrulybeenforDrao?Or…forHenry?

“Doyouloveher?”Potterrepeatedinanalmostpleadingtone.Draopressedhislipstogether.Heouldn’tanswerthat;thereweretoomanyreasonsnotto.HeouldfeelPotter’seyesonhim,ouldalmostfeelhisbreathonhisskin.Theywerestandingtoolose.

“Willyoupleasestoplookingatmelikethat?”Draosaid,pointedlykeepinghisheaddown.

“Likewhat?”Potterwhispered.

Draosquaredhisshouldersbeforeheliftedhisheadindefiane.“Likeyouwanttolookatme.”

Potter’sadam’sapplebobbedasheswallowed.“Idon’t,”hewhispered.“Believeme,IwishIdidn’twantto.Iwish—”Heleanedloser,sendingDrao’spulseintoafrenzy.“Iwishthingsouldbedifferent.”

Draoknewthisshouldbehisuetoleave.Heshouldn’tbehere,staringatPotter,onlyinhesapartfromhim.Hislipsinvoluntarilypartedwhenhefeltwarm,hesitantfingersbrushinghis.Hisindexfingertwithed,movingagainstPotter’spalm.HishandlosedaroundDrao’sinreturn.Draoinhaledsharply,urlinghistoesinhisshoesandlosinghiseyes.DidPotterreallywanthim?Wasthatit?No,itouldn’tbe.Hehadfoundsomeoneelse.Hewasinaretionship.HejustwantedDraoasafriend.

“Ian’t,”Draowhispered,asharppainshootingdownhisthroatashespoke.

“Iknow,”Potterrepliedquietly,buthedidn’tremovehishand.

Didheknow?Draodoubtedit.HedoubtedPotterhadanyideahowmuhDraowassuffering.

“Ihavetogo.”

BeforePotterouldtightenhisgrip,Draowithdrewhishandandstormedoutofthekithen,outoftheft,withoutabakwardgne.

Chapter8:UnlessYouWannaeAlong

Sunday,16Marh2003

“It’sabouttime,”PansysnappedwhenDraosteppedintohisbedroom.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”

“Soyoureallyfot,”shehuffed.“Weweresupposedtohavedinner.”

“Oh.”Hedidn’tevenremembermakingpnswithher.Hefelttooexhaustedtorakhisbrainorevenhaveanormaloion.Hejustwantedtoolpseandnevergetupagain.

“eon,ifwegonow,weanstill—Drao?”

Hehadsunkentohisknees,pressinghispalmsagainsttheoldfloor.

“Drao,what’swrong?”HefeltPansy’shandsonhisbakasshekdowninfrontofhim.“Merlin,you’reshaking.Drao,whathappened?”

“I—Ian’t—”Stubbornly,hetriedtoholdbakthetearsthatwerefinhiseyes.

“Talktome,”Pansysaid,hervoiefullofonern.Shepulledhimloser,fhisarmstoolpse,untilhisheadwasrestinginherp.Withoutthinking,hegrabbedatherdress,lingingtoitasifthatwouldlessenthepain.

“I—”Hegulped.“IbrokeupwithAstoria.”

HefeltPansystiffen.“What?But—You—”

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